– What is best for her –

This is the 2nd “Chapter” of the story I started writing with my grandma. After the last update some events happened but I will keep writing them. A little bit of her stories, mine and a few crazy ideas here and there should make it work. Thanks everyone for the support so far.
Best, Alej

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Chapter 2 – What is best for her –

The rain was falling down as the last night he came to this town, it was the last time he saw her. – Quite ironic – Benjamin though – maybe it’s my destiny to bring rain to this town-.

He walked back to his chair and reached for the book, one hour had passed since the last time he checked his phone or could focus; and there was still no news from the doctor. He did worry but tried to not show it too much. She was sleeping quite calmly and he knew she wanted to be there, away from all the machines and the noises she experienced in the hospital. He smiled at her and reached for her hands. He still loved her, more than he could express in words, even all these years, even all the things she wanted from him and he never believed he could give her. One soft kiss in her forehead and he went back to the book.

As he moved from one to another chapter he saw more and more resemblances in the book about his life and hers; if it was really her who sent the book to him. – Why now? – Benjamin whispered with a sad smile in his face. As always he was overthinking.

The characters in the book had one of those crazy fairy tales romances, one of those you only read in these types of books, a perfect date, the main character actually asking the girl if she wanted to be his girlfriend, shy kisses, long embraces, love letters and silly afternoons together dreaming. All these as him, the reader, could see that there was no way they were getting all what they wanted. Not in the first chapters of the book.

And then the breakup happened, tears, anger, confusion and more. Too good to last, too bright to be real. Too painful that it felt real to him.

“I know it’s over, believe me, I KNOW! Because in this life I have failed more times than I could think it was possible. Just like this, when I felt that everything was ok” The kid in the book screamed at her. She was crying, she was sad but at the same time there was such a whirlpool of ideas on her head that she could only embrace her need to go away.

“Go! I am not going to stop you because… Because you don’t love me anymore, you bite your lip when you where trying to hide this, now I can’t see that spark in your eyes, I can see you running away from all, from what we had, like always you do” She wanted to say something but before she could Benjamin close his eyes.

Why was she doing this? Why are you aiming so close to that past? Benjamin stopped, tried to go back to the book after taking 3 deep breaths but his memory was going back to her smile, that last time he saw her. She was happy, with someone else and she had that spark in her eyes, that was enough for him. He couldn’t read anymore. The rain called him back to the window.

He closed the book for the 10th time that night. And again he was going to try not to read it. This time Benjamin opened his small leather notebook, it had been a gift from a small girl he had met in one of his trips, she had made it with some of the techniques he taught them. It had a black cover made with recycled materials and a small and dark pink butterfly on the back of it. The girl, Annalia, made it so he could remember her. He did, after all these years.

After looking at the windows for a while, searching for some signs of a car along the rainy road he decided to start writing again, Writing has always a way that helped him to deal with these feelings, it was the easiest way to pour down his memories and not falling into any type of temptation. He began writing:

“It stills runs cold
Over these weeks, days and months
And I feel stupid because I still can’t let go
All those memories of what once were us

But I can understand
That sometimes you do what you know is wrong
And she was the best wrong I have ever done
But today, as before, I have decided to move on

And even if my heart will have to catch on
Time will turn these memories in faded dreams of love
So if you ever read this, I want you to know
That until today you were that one girl that made me smile
Even when everything was over,
even after your “I love you” felt so wrong”

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He looked at the poem, tried to fix it here and there but gave up. Editing wasn’t his strongest side, as many things in his life he would just pour down his heart and hope for the best. He was quite happy with the result. -Quite a poem to give away- he thought ironically.

Out of nowhere a buzz came and at this time his phone began ringing, he stood up and walked to the hallway.
– Hello? – Benjamin said as far as he could press touch the screen.
– Hey, sorry for calling at this time. Your sister told me about what happened. Are you ok?- a familiar voice reached over the speaker.

What was going on tonight? Why was she even calling him? It seems this city WAS a magnet for his past, for problems.

– Hi, yes… I’m back.. “home” you may call it. I’m with my grandma now- he replied even if he felt like hanging up right away
– Oh- a long paused followed – Will she be ok? – she asked, he knew she had the best intentions but he couldn’t keep it.
-Hey, I don’t know and – he took a deep breath and said – please, I don’t think is the best idea for you to be calling me, more so if your husband knows that you have been talking to me, I don’t want any more problems- Benjamin said.
– Ben, but is not a problem, I know how much she means to you and he will understand – she replied in a unsure voice
– No, he will not. And I don’t want to create more problems for you. He made it very clear last time I saw him and believe me, right now I don’t have time to be dealing with all this. Not talking is the best for you, for me, for everyone. You told me once and finally now I agree with you. Good night Caroll- he hanged up and started staring to the phone screen.

A thunder broke the silence in the house.

– Ben? Where are you? – a soft voice asked for him.
– Hey senorita, I was just checking my phone. You know, from all your followers and friends – He said walking towards her. Trying to fake a smile.
– Don’t lie to me, you have never been good at that game – she softly told him while he turned her head to the window.

-Ok. It was someone that wanted to know how we were doing, that is as much as I can say right now. But that person will not to call us no more – Benjamin answered feeling more guilty every second that passed.
– Why did you tell her that? – She tried to reach for him but he moved his hand towards hers.
– Because… Wait, how do you know it was a “she”? – Benjamin asked puzzled
– It wasn’t that hard, you have that look, and you seem sad but at the same time sure about that answer. That means that it could involve someone that we know. But are you sure what is what is best for her?-
– I think so, I hope so – and he shrug a little bit.

His grandma smiled with a bit of sadness on her lips, held his hand a little bit stronger and said:
– After all this time I still think that Anna was the right girl for you, you know? Even after what happened- she coughed – but you know me, I’m a little bit of a romantic-

– I know grandma- And as he sat down next to her he started thinking about her, it was so weird when someone said her name after all these years. Anna. Where was she? Was she still smiling at that guy before going to sleep? Was she still happy forever after as she always wanted? Was she the one that sent him that book?

– But oh well, I will not ask you more about it. Let’s talk about something happy until the doctor gets here. What if I tell you more stories about my trips and you tell me yours- his grandma smiled and tried to sit a little bit higher on her bed.

Benjamin stood up and helped her to sit and moved her pillows. Even if everything was dark, even if they were far away from the nearest hospital and everyone else had told him that she needed to be in the capital, he knew this was the best for her. After all she wanted to be home, and for him her wishes were the only thing that matter.

Chapter 1

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3 thoughts on “– What is best for her –

  1. Pingback: One of those nights | Away from home / Descolado

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