There is quite a special feeling when you write a love letter, the ink start tracing through lines all those ideas and feelings you have in your heart, in your mind. Putting so much of what you think and feel in a simple piece of paper and hoping for the best.
That is the moment when you are not scare about what she will say, what she may think. When you can be brave, when you can let her know that your heart skips a beat every time you see her after being way, how her smile brings more colors to this world, that you want is to be there to protect her and at the same time you can trust her and feel so safe next to her that you don’t mind being vulnerable… Even if when you don’t know how she will respond to that letter you can be brave while you write it.
Because I will try explain why I still think being an old fashioned romantic still wort it, I should explain a little bit about my past or the reasons I almost gave up a few times.
A rhyme and a lie
While my first poem was written towards a girl I had a crush on high-school (let’s call her Carolina), it wasn’t me who gave the poem to her. Why you may ask? This was back when I was 13 or 14 years old, in a military high-school (a scary place to be “in love”). I was just a small kid pretending to be a poet and lacking the courage to give the letter to her (or even leaving it as a secret admirer). And here is where I was put to the the line for the first time in my romantic life, a classmate also liked the girl I did, we both would always see Carolina on my bus ride to school….
And you can guess right? I gave the poem to him, the poem I wrote for her, because I pretended it was just a project I had, that he could have it, that I didn’t like her. All LIES.
Quite ironic to know after a few weeks that she started dating him that the reason she liked him was because of that poem, because “it was so special”…. My small heart would sank a little bit when I will cross path with them at school but I became a little stronger and learn the problem of not taking a step forward.
Courage and travels
After that I would become the most cliché of a young Latin boyfriend you could imagine. Flowers? Check! Poems and handwritten letters? Check! Walking next to her on the outside of the street? Check! (Thanks grandma for that lesson haha) Writing fairy tales about our adventures and dreams? Check! Singing? Wait.. No, that didn’t happen until WAY too late in my life.
The point was that I felt lucky enough to share these silly ideas, to be with some I liked and she liked me back, to care and learn from all these, to become a little better on the process… because I did fail many times when I was a lot younger and I still feel I may fail many more times, but it was fun to see her smile when I she would realize what silly thing I did for her, because I was in love.
I would also learn that your first love will make you think anything is possible, that anything can be justified in name of love… but is not, there are always some limits and I got lost. It will also teach you that some romantic gestures only work in movies but when they don’t work you will have a great story for your whole life, plus you get to visit Medellin 😀
You will learn to have the courage to walk away when things are not working anymore, because you also learn to love yourself more. Maybe some times you will fail being strong enough and end up calling someone at the wrong time but then again that is also a great story when her dad picks up the phone haha
Over the years I developed the courage to let myself fall in love again, after travelling over and over again to another city, another home, another time. Because the hopeful part of me would think that you can win, that when you meet someone special you can be with her no matter how short the time you have as long as you are true to your feelings, that pure love works.. But as anything so pure it will shine the brightest and may last only half of the time.
The fall and the way up
And as many stories and even clichés there has been times when I wanted to give up, when it was a lot easier just to be one more in the crowd, just to live and let life happen.
But of course that was not going to be the way things would work out, I would find someone that many ways took care of me, that made me feel alive even when I wasn’t sure of what the future was going to be play out.
And then I’m here again, writing silly letters about the past, writing letter for a future and not knowing if she will ever read this again, for the first time. Some letters of them got lost in time, some other I will blame the postal service of China.
Old fashioned in a digital world
Being a little romantic and old fashioned can be problematic too, when it’s easier to send a text message to ask someone out you don’t have the adrenaline rush of waiting for her to pick up the phone (or even worst when we would have to call the landline and her mom, grandma or even lil sister would pick up).
When you have to work up the courage to look at her eyes and ask her: Do you want to be my girlfriend? Running around the city to get her flowers, just because… When you would draw your life together in a silly way just because she inspire you to do it so… Because you know she is worth it, even if it looks silly, even if it’s not the norm now days, because is just one or another let her know she is so important in your life that you want her to be happy 🙂
Now I take pictures of my letters before I sent them, not only because I don’t trust the postal service but because at the same time I want to save all these stories. Maybe one day I will share them with someone down my family, teach them the advantage of some ink, paper and rhymes.