There were many nights when going to sleep would be the biggest fear he could face. Because some nights he would wake up thinking she was still sleeping next to him… And these few seconds between being dreaming and being awake would seem perfect.
But then reality would kick in. He would automatically reach for her side, the one she would always claim next to the window because she loved the morning light and sound of the rain, he would try to find her hands next to one of the many pillows she would have but he wouldn’t find her.
It would just be an empty space, it would be just a cold and empty bed.
A rush of ideas would come to him, moments, memories, fears but only one of them would stay.
She is not here anymore.
He would try to remain calm, to push all this, the feeling of freezing water drowning him, the coldness reaching his heart… Or at least where it used to be. He would want to scream, to stop dreaming, to forget… Sometimes he would even want to have her back. But the thing he would want the most would be to stop feeling at all.
In these moment, when the darkness of his room felt safer than turning on the light (because that would mean to see that she was really gone), he would feel a small thing jump to the bottom of his bed, moving paws reaching his side and dropping by in a sleepy state next to him.
With a long sigh Luffy, his dog, would try to tell him that things would be ok (that he was there to protect him).
Benjamin would smile a bit, pat Luffy on his side and try to go back to sleep. These were the moment he would believe a bit in destiny. Because the rainy night he found Luffy on the road was actually one of his worst nights ever but even when things couldn’t go worst he found him. He found in the middle of nowhere a small pup that would change his life.